Classic Rock Musings, Rants & Raves

So you wanna really annoy the people sitting near you? Here’s some handy tips on the best ways to ensure that you’ll get bounced out of a 50,000-seat arena.

1. Disregard the number on your ticket and sit wherever you want. Refuse to move until someone calls a bouncer, then sweetly say ‘Gee, all they had to do was ask!’
2. Don’t wear deodorant and don’t bathe for a week prior to the show unless attending a jam band concert, in which case no one will notice.
3. Wear a hat. A large hat. Refuse to remove it when asked by those behind you.
4. Sneak in a camera and continuously take flash pictures.
5. When sitting up front, tell people you got the tickets free, even if you paid $1,000 from a scalper.
6. Show photos of your kids to strangers and tell them they’re the love children of the lead singer. Casually mention that you haven’t seen him since ‘that restraining order misunderstanding.’
7. Stand on your chair and dance wildly for every song, even the slow ones.
8. Keep a full cup of beer with you at all times and spill it on those around you. Especially effective when combined with Number 7.
9. Sing along to every song, loudly. This is particularly fun if you don’t know all the words.
10. Drum on the back of the person sitting in front of you.
11. Scream ‘FREEBIRD’ at the top of your lungs at the end of each song.
12. Emit ear-piercing whistles at random. If you can’t whistle, yell.
13. Leave to use the bathroom every 15 minutes, This is also a good time to refill your beer. See Number 8.
14. Barf on someone’s shoes.
15. On the way out, complain to everyone within earshot about the rude and obnoxious people who attend concerts.

Tip:
Don’t actually try all of these things unless you want the crap beaten out of you.

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